Gentle Reader(s), it is now your turn.
The past few months have offered an orgy of hang-wringing and predictions of doom–the American marriage is dead. Or dying. Or at least perverted beyond all recognition and decency.
There are the affairs of John Edwards, John Ensign and Mark Sanford.
The articles in Time and The Atlantic decrying both affairs and “companionate marriages.”
The printing of A Vindication of Passion (which argues that distance, inequality and obstacles are necessary ingredients for true love) and the reprint of Thy Neighbor’s Wife, the 1981 book by Gay Talese which shockingly demonstrated that Americans actually had sex, often the non-monogamous, unmarried kind.
And of course, there is the continuing, and increasingly successful, fight for gay marriage. To my mind, this last element is behind all the other ones, the catalyst for all the angst. Outside of fundamentalist circles, it’s no longer polite to say outright that homosexuals don’t deserve the same rights as heterosexuals, but a lot of people are deeply uncomfortable with the idea (or reality) of two men or two women being married. So they deflect their unease (or prejudice) onto marriage itself–the whole institution is falling apart! Or was never worthwhile in the first place!! Or actually stifles passion with routine!!!!!! Just like the country had to be in the worst economic shape since the Great Depression before we’d let a black man run it, marriage has be perceived as failed and worthless before we’ll share it with gays.
But that’s just my opinion. I want to know what you think. So let’s have a discussion. Leave a comment–do you think the institution of marriage is worse off right now than previously? Do you think marriage is a worthwhile institution at all? Have there been real, significant changes to marriage (good or bad) in the past 10 years? What’s the purpose of marriage (social, legal, political, romantic, religious) anyway? And if you’ve had that second cup of coffee, feel free to tackle the biggie–what’s love got to do with it?
Professor Bean
Professor Moss
Wow, I’m replying.
My view on marriage has indeed changed over the last several years.
When I was a fundie marriage equalled “the person I will have sex with for the rest of my life.”
Shortly after I rejected Christianity marriage became “just a piece of paper, ultimately worthless.”
Now I see marriage as an intimate legal binding, with a large number of rights and responsibilities attached. I actually believe more in the importance and worth of marriage now than I ever did in the past.
There is no way I can answer any of your questions beyond that without significantly more time to organize my thoughts.
Hi,
First of all, I am someone who thinks that legalizing gay marriage would strengthen the institution tremendously. To watch anyone try to make a case for “protecting marriage” is among the most ridiculous things I’ve ever witnessed. They aren’t really trying to defend their marriages, rather they’re just using that argument to build support for their homophobia.
I am biased in thinking that marriage is a great institution that is primarily about love since I’ve been in one for almost 28 years that is still deepening as time goes on. One of the main purposes for us has been a structure for our relationship wherein we have each other’s backs, no matter what is happening in the family, between us, in our health, etc.
Of course, I am lucky enough to have found the right person to marry.
As far as what’s happened to the institution of marriage over the last 10 years, I don’t know what I think. I haven’t noticed many changes—I still see young people getting married, getting homes together, having families. I’d be interested to hear opinions on what may have changed.
Speaking of killing marriage: you forgot the wed-for-55-hours Brittany Spears.
Seriously, though, you should read Nancy Polikoff’s Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage for another look at related issues. Polikoff asks whether it is right that marriage is the institution to receive the many benefits society bestows. Why not offer some of these benefits to other non-romantic couples who rely on each other for support and thus take a certain burden off society, e.g., two single moms sharing an apartment, or two elderly sisters?
[...] friend Prof. Moss at The Two Body Solution, a blog about gender and popular culture, raises an interesting question: Now that [...]
Funny I should mention it: Carlos Ball at HuffPo today states: “The time has come to also debate the legal and moral advisability of continuing to privilege marriage, whether gay or straight.”
belated, but I gave it a shot.
http://gothicfeline.livejournal.com/364800.html