Wiggling in Excrement

This is going to be a rant.

This is a video of New Hampshire State Representative Nancy Elliott, expressing support for HB1590, a bill to make gay marriage illegal (again) in her state. Her main point is that gay marriage involves anal sex, which she then describes as “taking the penis penis of one man and putting it  into the rectum of another and wiggling it around in excrement.” She says “And you have to think…would I allow that to be done to me?”

This is so mind bogglingly, amazingly, monumentally stupid that I just have to rant about it.

First, I wasn’t aware that in New Hampshire, the government had traded democracy for personal dictatorship, and that if an official felt something was unappealing, he or she got to try to make it illegal. Let’s see how that works when we substitute other groups. “Those Muslims, they demand their women wear head coverings and veils. And you have to think…would I allow that to be done to me? No, so let’s make Islam illegal.” or how about “Those hunters, they shot deer. And you have to think…would I allow that to be done to me? Of course not! We’d better make hunting (or better yet, guns) illegal”

Or, to compare apples to only slightly different apples, let’s think about heterosexual marriage. It involves putting the penis of one person in the vagina of another. And vaginas bleed. EWWWWWWWW!!!! I certainly wouldn’t want someone pouring menstrual blood all over my penis, whether or not it’s wiggling.

But that’s only the surface level of how insanely stupid Elliott’s reasoning is. Does she think  only gay men have anal sex? Or perhaps she thinks only gay men are full of shit and that straight women have nice clean rectums. Is she okay with lesbians having legal marriage, since they seem the least likely group to engage in rectum wiggling? Maybe she wants every marriage to be invalidated except those involving lesbians. Or men with ED. They’re safe as well. Side note, penises rarely wiggle during sex, and especially not during anal sex. Her view of the penis makes me feel either sorry for or scared of her husband.

And can anyone explain how making marriage illegal stops anal sex? Or is it just that we don’t want to dignify the “one flesh” union with the name marriage, but it’s okay with her if there’s anal sex outside of marriage? Frankly, this whole Christian idea of “one flesh” is way creepier than anal sex–I keep imagining that scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark with all the melting flesh (which is the only way I can see different flesh becoming one, by melting together):

And we don’t want that do we?

Okay, where was I? Oh right…my rant.

Last point, and this one is actually serious. Representative Elliott, marriage is not about sex. Heterosexual marriage, gay marriage, group marriage…it really has nothing to do with sex. For everyone, it’s a civil right, a legal, financial and social method for structuring society, a collection of benefits that number in the hundreds (or over 1,000, depending on how you count), and a culturally recognized declaration of serious intent and future commitment. The fact that your mind is in the gutter and can’t concentrate on anything other than penises wiggling in excrement says a lot about you, but absolutely nothing about marriage, gays or, really, anal sex.