My friend Dana, over at Mombian, sent me a lovely article by Helen Boyd, called “When my husband became a woman, I realized I was a sexist” (Boyd has a really smart blog too, enGender). Reading her article motivated me to write something I’ve been mulling over for weeks now (since we started the blog really) and that is my own evolving views of the transgendered.
When I first discovered that there were people who considered themselves transgendered and who had (as it was called then) sex reassignment surgery, I was in college, and I was appalled and angry at these people. I’m not proud of that reaction, but I can at least say that my reasons were a tiny step above knee-jerk fear of difference. At that point, I was in my militant feminist phase, and rejecting any suggestion that gender had a biological basis. I knew that aside from a few meaningless physical differences, men and women were the same, and it was only cultural pressures that created these stereotypical gendered patterns. Freed from social controls, I reasoned, men and women would be (as groups) indistinguishable in their behaviors, likes and dislikes.
Believing this, I couldn’t help but believe that those who identified as the other gender–who were willing to mutilate their bodies in order to pass as that gender–were the most brainwashed and acculturated as all. My goal as a feminist then was to get beyond the body.
Luckily, I grew up, intellectually and emotionally. I learned enough about human biology to realize that “beyond the body” is death, and that the interactions between sex and gender are varied and infinitely complicated. I realize now that it was incredibly arrogant for me, safely ensconced in my straight female body, to dictate how others should feel about the relationship they had with their bodies.
However, I am still troubled by the way society imposes definitions and norms on bodies, and how those limits force people into rigid and limited behaviors. It’s wonderful that technology allows people to change their gender if they want, but I sometimes wonder if as many trans people would go through the expensive and difficult surgeries, and take the hormones, if gender expression was more fluid. If a man could cross-dress and not get harassed and beaten, how many would? In an odd way, the small bit of acceptance transsexuals have gained imposes a limit–there is now a “right” way to be transgendered.
I think the difficulties bisexuals face are similar. Homosexuals gained much of the acceptance they did by making the (absolutely correct) case that sexual orientation is biological. But if someone is born gay or straight, it is easy to see bisexuals as confused, or unable to accept their “true” gay nature. At best, “bi” becomes yet another specific orientation and therefore bi folks had better divide their time 50/50 between the genders to prove their sexuality really isn’t a choice. I think we all know that sexual and gender identity both are more complicated than “I was born X and I shall always be X” but legally, politically, psychologically and socially that is the safest stance to take.
So I want to commend Helen Boyd and others for having the courage to explore the complexities of this issue, and for admitting that nothing involving our bodies will ever be as simple as we’d like.
I’m going to the Unitarian church in Media this Sunday to hear a transgendered woman give the sermon. The title is Affirming One’s Gender. Here a link:
http://www.uucdc.org/serviceschedule.html
I’ve also read a great book by a transgendered woman, _She’s Not There_ by Jennifer Finney Boylan. She is a professor at Colby College and has published many novels. The subtitle is “a Life in Two Genders.”
There is a huge spectrum of gender blending behavior. For some people, cross-dressing is enough to satisfy their other-gender desires, while some people have written about their feeling of alienation from the wrong-gender body parts and their inability to feel comfortable until that is corrected.
And, I agree with your point about bisexuals. Being in the in-between space is more challenging than being firmly on one side or the other.
There is a lot here. I think the gender and sexuality debate has revolved much like the physical problem in examining light and electrons. When you examine them as a wave you cannot see that properties of particles. When you examine them as a particle you cannot not see the wave forms. The focus on the social construct of sexuality and gender identity ignores the biology. If you only look at the biology, then the environmental influences don’t come into play.
Though I didn’t come to accept my own sexuality until my late 20’s, I had very clear attractions for the same sex at age 6 before I had any real notions of sexuality, which is an argument for biology. But who knows what else may have come into play. We are the totality of our biology AND our environment.
A simple example: I had a final blow knee injury in college that not only stopped my basketball ‘career’ but caused enough disability that I could no longer do a normal running motion. Over the course of the next couple of years I would have dreams about playing games and running. Progressively a voice in my dreams said I couldn’t run. Eventually I stopped running in my dreams. My biology changed and my conscious and subconscious perspective of my biology also changed. We could go in circles about what all this means, but the point is that something my my brain was forever altered by what happened to my body. Windows and doors open and close throughout our lives and when we step through, we are forever changed.
I like the idea that if we relieve the social definition of being a successful transgendered person, there could be a more fluid range of the correct choices for the individual. A preoperative transgendered person is somehow incomplete by today’s standards. How do we know that the “wrong feelings” are not part of the currently established rules for the “right” way to be transgendered.
There is a great deal of distrust within the gay community of bi-sexuals. Resentment also exists when they ‘assimilate’ in heterosexual relationships. If my bi-sexual ex girl friend is now dating men, then my loss is all the greater. This is a rejection of me, my gender and my identity. The truth of the matter is that what she does AFTER the break-up has nothing to do with me. My loss is that she left. Period. This argument comes up in heterosexual relationships as well when one partner comes out as gay. To my compatriots who don’t believe that bi-sexuality is real, I respond that if the extremes are real then I must believe that the full continuum between these extremes are also real.
I think I’ll just stop here.
I find transsexualism rather fascinating, and it is one of the reasons I get so curious about what exactly the differences in gender really are. Of course, as soon as I really start to think about that I immediately come to the point that it’s all very complicated and I barely know the first thing about any of it. I have actually known several transsexuals, and one thing I learned is that it is another area where it is a spectrum, rather than a distinct box. I have known transsexuals who distinctly identified as the other gender, but felt no particular need to have gender reassignment surgery. I have also known transsexuals who simply could not stand the errors of the bodies they were born in and felt an incredibly deep need for the reassignment surgery. And, of course, they can fall anywhere in between as well.
I have no idea what any of that means in regards to figuring out what gender is, but I’m pretty sure it means something. I have, at this point, come to the general conclusion that being male or female does mean something, but gender is also a lot more fluid than many people want to admit, and possibly a lot more subtle. Then there is the fact that some societies seem to have more than two gender possibilities, such as the Samoan fa’afafine. http://www.samoafaafafine.org/sfa/welcome.html
and another: http://www.abc.net.au/ra/pacific/people/hazy.htm
Bisexuality is another interesting matter. I find it rather fascinating to look at how various people view it. Personally, I see sexuality as a spectrum as well. Yet to some people, apparently one can only be a “true” bisexual if your preference is divided perfectly equally between the genders. Since I lean a bit towards men, that would mean I am straight. Except that I find women very attractive and feel a general desire to find a women to be intimate with. I guess that makes me uncatagorizable (that’s counts as a word!) in some definitions. To other people, a bisexual woman that prefers males who are more effeminate in some way is probably just a lesbian and won’t admit it. Which means to yet another group of people, I must actually be gay! Luckily, I mostly find all that amusing.
Cindy, I’m intrigued by your statement that pre-op transgendered persons are seen as incomplete. Is the range of choice becoming more narrow rather than more fluid?
Another question I have is what the current state of distrust in the gay community toward bisexuals is. I’ve been wondering if that still exists to the same degree as it used to. I know someone who is a moderator for a listserv for the LGBTQ community, and she told me that there are a lot of bi married women on there who will not admit that they’re who they are. I actually skipped the last meeting of my lesbian bookclub because I felt such anxiety over disclosing my situation to them and even more anxiety over sitting there not saying anything about myself. And that was only a bookclub. The result is that I’ve stopped doing anything with the lesbian community, which is sad because I love it so much.
Ellie,
My comment regarding re-op transgendered people was an alluding to Prof. Moss’s comment “the small bit of acceptance transsexuals have gained imposes a limit–there is now a “right” way to be transgendered”. We’ve done a better job of including/accepting transgendered people, but now also define them as pre and post operative states, with post-op being the completed state. I would hope that in time the range of choices will be more fluid.
From my perspective, the current state of views regarding bi-sexuals is still pretty isolationist. Just as acceptance for gays requires us to be more visible in a 1000 normal and mundane ways, bi-sexuals have the double duty of coming out to both sides of the coin. The more visible and vocal they are regardless of their relationship status, the more acceptance and understanding there will be. I understand your trepidation, but don’t make something abnormal out of something that is normal for you.
I have a friend who likes to pontificate…”People with tattoos are…” “Women who were makeup are…” “Bi-sexuals are…” I joke with her about being all up in her indignation since I’m a tattooed make up wearing lesbian who has dated a bi-sexual woman and who would again. Love is love and real commitment is true regardless of the other available options. Rejoin your lesbian friends. They miss you.
I think I omitted one relevant parameter (or disclaimer) with regard to the lesbian perspective of bi-sexuals. I am primarily referring to the over 40 crowd. I expect the 20 something crowd has a different view point. …and yes I do speak for ALL lesbians over 40. 😉
Thanks for your replies. I think you mentioned two of the biggest difficulties for bisexual people, the challenge of having to come out to both communities and the invisibility factor. Both are uncomfortable. As a married person, I’ve recently had several experiences of people making homophobic comments and jokes to me as if I were in their little club. Fortunately I’ve managed to answer them on the spot, except for one situation.
Professor Moss, it was interesting to read about your attitude when you were in college! I’ve always come from a laissez-faire place and never even thought of rejecting the basic existence of gender. And thank you for the link to Helen Boyd’s blog and article.
Ooh, I’m finding more gender links. Such as the five gendered society. http://www.yawningbread.org/apdx_2004/imp-139.htm
Wow, thanks for all the feedback and links and ideas! Reading the comments has been great.